after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
