I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I just sharted jello shots
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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