The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
