yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
