some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
