the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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