is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
