woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
