his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
