i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
