My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
