Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
