I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize