i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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