im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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