What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
