At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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