I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
