I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
