If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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