I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
