i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
