I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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