I'm gonna have a badass scar
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.