Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.

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  (203): Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle. http://tfl.nu/zfv7
  Replies (7) Good night (2645) Bad night (598)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move

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  (601): "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move http://tfl.nu/qn14
  Replies (10) Good night (1199) Bad night (3404)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.

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  (630): He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table. http://tfl.nu/sm7d
  Replies (6) Good night (1170) Bad night (2140)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.

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  (316): If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already. http://tfl.nu/vt4q
  Replies (13) Good night (2940) Bad night (1092)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

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  (412): I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not. http://tfl.nu/jtsf
  Replies (14) Good night (7817) Bad night (1029)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.

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  (985): Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me. http://tfl.nu/35pb
  Replies (6) Good night (1620) Bad night (726)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.

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  (918): I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control. http://tfl.nu/enjx
  Replies (4) Good night (1178) Bad night (555)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?

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  (765): Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots? http://tfl.nu/q4x4
  Replies (8) Good night (1959) Bad night (629)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!

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  (602): The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night! http://tfl.nu/j1nh
  Replies (4) Good night (1229) Bad night (592)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.

  (646): View more from New York

  Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die

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  (646): Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens. (646): Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die http://tfl.nu/6x7r
  Replies (1) Good night (1153) Bad night (538)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.

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  (412): I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again. http://tfl.nu/wa46
  Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (1440)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.

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  (727): This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners. http://tfl.nu/f1o4
  Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (428)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.

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  (502): If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it. http://tfl.nu/bxd5
  Replies (0) Good night (463) Bad night (678)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"

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  (613): Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!" http://tfl.nu/otim
  Replies (2) Good night (561) Bad night (290)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.

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  (518): He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band. http://tfl.nu/loy3
  Replies (0) Good night (171) Bad night (28)

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