I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
