No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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