I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT