Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine