i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend