hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober