I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
