Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
