toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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