Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
