I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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