puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
