i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
