We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
