i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
