seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
