she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
