Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
