Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
