she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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