You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
