I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
