and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
