Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
