so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
