hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
