You're my little dorito
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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