I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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