God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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