She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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