The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
