dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize