Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
