I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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