yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
