I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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