I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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