Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
