You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
