The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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