I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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