Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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