R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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