I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
