News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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