There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
