Do vagina's smell?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you had me at cake vodka
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
