So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
