Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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