problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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