i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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