i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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