2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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