I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
