i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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