what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
