so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
