My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
