this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
