I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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