Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
