Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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