Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
