How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
