We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
