Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
