I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
