Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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