either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
